If you've struggled with something in the past, it is a common human tendency to automatically
assume that is who you are now. And if you carry around an assumption about who you are, then you automatically align your actions to that version of yourself that you believe yourself to be.
This all happens automatically...subconsciously....below your radar. It's a mental short cut that can serve to keep you stuck.
Your brain makes a mental model/framework/blue print of who you think you are, and then all your behaviors stem from that identity.
90% of the thoughts you think today are the same thoughts you thought yesterday and the day before and the day before.
As I said, it's a mental shortcut that your brain uses to save energy which is good, but this mental shortcut can also be extremely frustrating when you are trying to improve or change yourself.
It's one reason why:
you aspire to be more mindful at work, but find yourself still participating in judgement of clients and venting in the treatment room when faced with difficult situations
you sabotage yourself with food when you are trying to lose excess fat, and then beat yourself up for it. Or you lose weight and then gain it back
you mindlessly scroll on Tiktok when you wake up instead of executing your desired morning routine
you decide to stop drinking alcohol, but you still desire it, fall off the wagon, or think you are a 'drinker who is not drinking'
you make a resolution to read more to better your mind, or go to the gym to improve your fitness, but can't ever seem to find the time
The dissonance occurs because your desire for newness is clashing with the old, conditioned version of yourself that is actually running your show (aka your life narrative). Your blueprint of who you think you are doesn't match with who you want to be, and that creates inner conflict.
You have to remember that this part of your mind is no different than basically any other mammal. It is conditioned learning, brain status quo, and habits with thick neural connections that fight you if you decide to do something different. You are basically fighting yourself, which is exhausting and a recipe for frustration, failure, and more stuckness. BLEH.
To Change on the Outside You Must Change Who You Are on the Inside
In order to experience lasting change, you have to rewrite the blueprint, aka the narrative of your life and who you believe you are. It's all about mindset, baby.
So, next time you find yourself in a situation where you are tempted to fall back into old habits or patterns that you no longer want, or you want to give in and throw in the towel, try saying to yourself, "But that's not who I am anymore."
The next time you start subconsciously sabotaging a relationship, project, or goal because at a base level you don't think you are good enough or worthy enough, or you are afraid of love or success, remind yourself,
"That's not who I am anymore."
The next time you really want to vent to a coworker about a dickish client, or you silently judge somebody who does not follow your veterinary recommendations, remind yourself,
"That's not who I am anymore."
The next time you want to numb your emotions with food or substances because you had a bad day and you have always been an emotional eater, remind yourself,
"That's not who I am anymore."
the next time you are tempted to blow up at a coworker because they did that thing again, remind yourself,
"That's not who I am anymore."
The next time you are tempted to skip the gym or the stupid walk for your stupid mental health, remind yourself,
"That's not who I am anymore."
Something I learned from James Allen, author of As a Man Thinketh, was that in this life we don't get what we want. We get what we ARE. That is why it is critical to remind yourself as often as necessary 'that's not who I am anymore' when you are tempted to revert to old, not-so-helpful habits.
Ingrained habits, especially ones that give you dopamine hits or temporary external validation, can be tough to break because they feel good in the moment. In the beginning, you may have to remind yourself
"That's not who I am anymore."
a LOT, especially when you are faced with external stimuli that trigger your old habits.
And when I say a A LOT, I do mean A LOT. Every hour, every 10 minutes, every time you feel triggered, every dang minute of every dang day until you believe you aren't that person anymore. You are training yourself, you are creating new neural connections, and those new habits/neural connections will need a lot of positive reinforcement to stick. This does take self discipline but remember you are your greatest project you will ever work on.
It can be helpful to set up visual reminders throughout the day so you don't fall asleep to your past conditioning. This can include:
hourly reminders on your phone
taping "That's not who I am anymore," to your bathroom mirror or anywhere else you need to see it
asking trusted family or friends to help you remember when they see you making choices from your old patterns
You can also utilize the services of a licensed behavioral therapist that specializes in cognitive behavioral therapy, EMDR, and even hypnosis to help you. I found it extremely helpful to work with a therapist to dissolve some of my own past conditioning that was getting in the way of my success and happiness.
Understanding Your Current Story
According to the Theory of Narrative Identity, developed by scholar and researcher Dr. Dan McAdams, humans create their identity by integrating their life experiences into an internalized, evolving story of themselves.
Before embarking on the journey to rewrite your life's narrative, it's essential to first identify and understand your current narrative. This means taking time to scrutinize the tales you've been recounting to yourself and others. It involves delving into the patterns and convictions that have influenced your life, discerning which ones you wish to retain and which ones you aim to revise. This takes dedication and self awareness. A therapist may be a helpful sidekick as you embark on this journey.
To start, set aside a little alone time. Get a cozy blanket, your favorite beverage, and journal
answers to the following questions:
What overarching themes have defined my life thus far?
What recurring patterns show up in my narrative?
What triumphs and setbacks have shaped my journey?
In what aspects have I frequently encountered obstacles?
Which beliefs have hindered my progress?
It is very important to remove self-judgement from this process because it will only get in the way. Commit to being kind and compassionate to the past versions of yourself that make up your life story - they were not perfect, but they got you to where you are today. That is worth honoring.
Once you've gained clarity on your existing narrative, you can commence the transformative task of rewriting it.
Rewriting Your Life's Narrative
Now that you have identified your current narrative, it's time to embark on reshaping your life story. Once again, you will need that journal and a quiet place to reflect.
Envision your ideal life
Take a moment to imagine the life you truly desire. What achievements do you aspire to? What lifestyle do you envision? How much money do you have? Are you working? Not working? What are you doing? Who are you with? Where are you?
Define your goals clearly and vividly picture the life you're striving for. Write it down in present tense, as if it has already happened. You could try just writing down what a day would look like in your ideal life. and keep this narrative somewhere that will encourage you to read it regularly. Reading it regularly will help you embody it in reality.
Set actionable goals
Once you have a vision of your ideal life, it is time to start taking aligned action. Break down your vision into tangible objectives. Establish small, achievable steps to move closer to your ideal life. Commit to taking consistent actions that align with your goals.
Embrace change
So easy to say, so hard to do, but this is a non-negotiable. The current version of you isn't ready for your ideal life, so change has to happen, which can be scary for some people. You will experience less fear and frustration if you let go of your current circumstances and embrace the process of transformation that comes with rewriting your life story. Embrace the uncertainty and growth that change brings, and view it as an opportunity for personal development.
Celebrate progress
Acknowledge and celebrate every step forward you take. Recognize your accomplishments, no matter how small, and use them as fuel to propel you further towards your goals. Remember - you are training your brain just like you would train a dog, so positive reinforcement is encouraged. Look at your list of goals. Can you add rewards to each of them that you will get once they are accomplished? They don't have to be big rewards - when I finally paid off my student loan, I bought myself a hover board and opened a bottle of champagne. 😆
Your new life will cost you your old one.
Seven Strategies for Crafting a Fresh Narrative
Crafting a new narrative for your life can feel like a monumental task, and it is an elephant, but we all know you eat the elephant bite by bite. Here are seven strategies to guide you in creating a more optimistic, purposeful, and genuine life story:
Become 'ok' with mistake: Yes yes I know nobody in this profession is ok with mistakes because our mistakes are costly, but they don't call it veterinary perfect. They call it veterinary practice for a reason. Do your best to embrace mistakes as opportunities for growth and insight. Let them serve as stepping stones rather than stumbling blocks.
Cultivate gratitude: Gratitude really truly is a superpower that you want to incorporate into your daily life. Here is a blog post I wrote that can help you understand the power of gratitude.
Live deliberately: Be intentional in your actions and mindful of the choices you make. Ensure that your decisions align with who you are becoming, not who you were.
Dare to take risks: Step outside your comfort zone and embrace uncertainty. Taking calculated risks can lead to remarkable growth and opportunities for learning.
Release the past: While the past holds valuable lessons, clinging to it can hinder your progress. Release any regrets or resentments, and focus on living in the present moment. This can be ridiculously difficult for some people (I've been there) but it is critical to moving forward on a new timeline - if you can't let go, get help.
Trust in yourself: Have faith in your abilities and your capacity to shape your own destiny. Believe in your potential, and take decisive action towards realizing your dreams.
When rewriting your narrative consistency, present-moment awareness, patience with yourself, and having clearly defined goals are all key. There is a lot to unpack in this post, and if you are really serious about rewriting your life's narrative to tell a story of fulfillment, joy, peace, fun, adventure, love, connection, and success, then I recommend bookmarking this post and coming back to it to remind yourself.
Take it one day at a time - don't worry about tomorrow or yesterday. If you focus on making this day good, then you will find that you will start to have a series of good days. Line up enough good days and now you have a good life. :-)
From our slightly scandalous hearts to yours,
Sarah J. Wooten, DVM, CVJ and the Vets Against Insanity Crew 😆
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